Honestly looking back on all those relationships it's hard to believe that I used the term "love" so loosely. Truth is, I don't think I really knew what love was, until now. I use to think that there was a reason that all of these relationships "failed" that there was a bigger picture than what I could see. That my prince was going to come, he was. I deserved the same happiness as everyone else around me was getting. I wanted love, I wanted the husband and the kids and the white picket fence, but it never happened for me. They always left. People always leave...then one day after I stopped and took stock of my life and the bad decisions I'd made about some of them, and I realized that it wasn't that they always leave, it was that they always leave me. And I realized that I may never get my "fairytale" I may never have the happily ever after I just have to know that I did love, I did love someone with all of me and that regardless of what the situation was with him, I really want to believe that he loved me to. I've loved without reservations without guards without thought, it was reckless and I knew it I knew that my love for him would truly never be realized outside the walls of my own heart he was my person, my i can say anything and know it's OK person, my when I have a bad day just hearing his voice puts a smile on my face person. His touch, his smile, the look he would give me right before we'd kiss, sometimes he'd look in my eyes and I swear he saw it, he saw what I felt for him and then he'd grin, he'd grin like he knew it all along and felt the same for me. Everything about him was what I wanted, he was what and who I needed. But I had to let go, I had to put his happiness and what he needs ahead of my selfish "he should be with me" attitude. I was tired of convincing him that he should be with me, as much as I tried to convince myself that he was at times, he was never really mine to have. But I loved him, I was without a doubt hopefully and hopelessly in love with him.
It's all about timing. My life as crazy and as up and down as it's been it's always come back to timing. I guess I just needed a better watch!