Do you ever wake up and think 'that was a horrible nightmare and I'm so glad it's over'

and then you realize that the nightmare you are referring to is your life and that it's not over, you finally just woke up and realized that you've just waisted so much time and effort on the wrong person?

But what's worse is you woke up and you feel nothing but broken but the person who finished you off is nothing more than a helpless victim in your pursuit of finding the one guy whom you thought could just fix it all for you. Or what's even more scary is the realization that you might just be unfixable.

I think the worst nightmare of all is that I waisted so much time on blaming them for not being enough, or blaming them for leaving when in fact I pushed them away with my unrealistic expectations of what relationship should be. No one could have lived up to those standards, no one can make you better. They can support you, they can help you through it, then can sit with you when you are knee deep in Kleenex and you can't really explain why you are crying but yet can't stop either. But they can't make it better for you. One day you just realize that you are the only one who can change your situation. You are the only one that can heal the wounds and let the past stay where it belongs. You are the only person who you can't forgive but you can't move forward until you do.

So I have to forgive myself for what I did to them and for what I allowed them to do to me.
Anyone know how????