You wait for the pain to go away. You wake up every morning with the hope that today...today will be the day that I don't want for him. The day that I don't ache to be with him again. The day that he's not the first thing on my mind and the last thought I have and some thousand thoughts in between. But everyday is the same. You keep telling yourself that it will get better, it has to right?? There is no way that it can get worse. But it does, there seems to be no bottom. Broken isn't even a word to describe you anymore. It's so far beyond ridiculous that to everyone around you that didn't know you just seem pathetic. And to those few who did, you just seem pathetic. What is wrong with me that I still love him, what is wrong with me that I still want to be with him. I would give anything to just to hold him one more time. To be able to kiss him one last time, because you never think the last one will be your last one. If I'd have known that, if I would have ever thought that the day he left my house would have been the last time I got to be with him...I would have never let him leave.
I've tried to hate him, I have. Everything that I've learned about him since he left would make any normal person loath him. But everything I knew about him before, that is what still haunts me. That's what I remember, there is no bad that can take the place of how he made me feel. How when he looked at me everything else just went away. I still feel him brush the hair from my eye, I still feel his arms around me and his lips next to my ear. "Do you love me?" I'd ask and his response was always the same. "You know I do"
I didn't dream it, I didn't make it up, it was real.

This is my punishment, for things that I've done, the person that I've been. I am responsible for my mistakes, my actions that led me to this place. This pain, this emptiness, the missing part of my soul...it's what I've earned. It's what I deserve, but how long to I have to hurt? Is there any end to torture that has become my life?