So there's got to be a day where I wake up and say that "this is the day, this is the day that I will change my situation, this is the day that I won't want for him, miss him, and still after everthing love him, this is the day that I won't at some point wonder about the what if's, this is the day that I suck it up and move on, and for sure this is the day that I stop thinking about loosing weight and actually get off my fat ass and do it." So there's got to be a day that those things actually happen and and my life changes. I keep hoping that someone will event a time machine, and I'm not sure what's more pathetic, the fact that I think that someone actually will, or if someone actually does that I'd be able to use it, or that if it did happen I'd actually be able to pin point a date in the past where I could travel back to and start it all over again. I could no sooner pick a favorite candybar then pick one mistake to want changed. But then I remember that in Back to the Future, Doc always warned Marty that one tiny change could set off a chain reaction and everything in the future would be different. So I could make just one better choice and who knows what would happen. I could be married, have kids, have an amazing career, be in a state of complete bliss. But instead I'm single, probably can't have kids cause I waited too damn long, have an ok job, but not exactly the career choice I would have made had I known, and bliss?? what is that? There is this unexplainable emptyness that overcomes me on a daily basis. I know that the reason I have this life is because of the piss-poor decisions I've made over the years, but then I think bull...there are a ton a people who have made far more crappier or stupid decisions than me and they're happy, so where is my happy? Where is the guy that is suppose to forgive my flaws and actually love me for them? Where is the guy that will look at me and not through me because I was too "nice" to be the "one".