So let's now talk about "TWO". OK. So I graduated from High School and couldn't wait to get out of the "small" town I grew up in. I was so ready to move where people didn't know me, where I could start over and be me. I know that sounds weird, like I wasn't really "me" in HS. but is anyone really? I had to live up to the person that I created to get through high school, the fun,peppy,lovable version of me. I especially had to redeem myself after the whole drama queen period with ONE. I also had that "good" girl, the "honey we're so proud of you" girl thing going. Don't get me wrong, I didn't move to college with the sole intention of becoming a bad girl.. I was just hoping that maybe she could come out every once in a while. So anyway...back to TWO. I started working at this little pizza place when I moved down and TWO was a delivery driver. It was a fun place to work, there were a lot of cool people that worked there. TWO's good friend we'll call him BUD (i know.. so clever) worked there, once small problem though BUD for whatever reason hated me. It was like that school ground thing where he just teased and teased and everyone thought it was because he really liked you, but in reality he actually just couldn't stand you. Well no matter I had developed a small crush on TWO but he had a girlfriend so of course it was just all about the flirt. We had this little game we played every time we saw each other, he'd walk in and say "look at you." it was his way of saying I looked good I guess. And I'd say "what's up?" and he's say "your pants but I'm hoping to change that soon." I know...I know cheesy and stupid and the guy had a girlfriend but it was all in good fun. So TWO and I kept this little game up for months, then one day he walked in and things were different. He didn't do the "look at you" he was somber and almost but not quite sad. Come to find out he broke up with the girlfriend, when I asked why he just looked at me. He looked at me like no one ever had before, this sweet...adoring....loving...I wanna rip your clothes off look. So TWO and I started hanging out, a lot. At first it was just fun, he was dangerous, nothing that you'd ever take home to the parents. I knew his track record, I knew that if he flirted with me like he did while he was in a relationship who's to say that he wouldn't do the same to me. Right? Sounded all logical and right in my head but did that stop me for falling head over heals for him? Nope. I was within about 2 months "in love" with TWO. We were always together, one night he asked (like we were 12) if I'd be his girlfriend. I was so excited and for the first time in a long time happy. I eventually "gave" myself to TWO. Yes I know a virgin at 18 was unheard of but I was. So fast forward to 5 months into this relationship. TWO started getting distant and offish. Of course I knew all the classic signs because I'd gone through it with ONE, but was I to believe that TWO was looking else where for everything that I was giving him? Love, attention, affection, trust, companionship, friendship, fun and yes nookie.
I had a trip up north coming up for a few days to visit my doctor so I thought the space would do us both some good. So I went to my appointment, they took some blood like they always did, but a result that I wasn't expecting came back. I was pregnant. Now there were many reasons why this was so shocking to me. A- I was 18 not married and on the verge of a breakup B- I had been told since I was 13 years old that I'd never be able to have kids C-I was 18 not married .
So I went home to tell TWO the news only to discover that TWO had gotten "back together" (for only a few days) with his ex. I was furious, hurt, scared. But I couldn't tell him. I wanted him to be with me because he wanted to be, not because he felt obligated. So I kept it in, or tried to. One day I was at work and was cutting vegetables and just burst into tears. BUD was the only other person there and at first there was of course this awkward silence between us, but then he came over and asked what was wrong. I still don't know why I did, but I opened up to him and told him everything. He then put his arms around me, and told me that everything was going to be OK. I knew it wasn't but it was nice to hear. A month later, everything changed. My life as I knew it was never going to be the same. I had a miscarriage. I lost my baby and the only person who knew I was even pregnant was BUD. I called him crying and he came over, took me to the doctor, then brought me home and stayed with me all night. I don't think we said more than 5 words to each other but he stayed, just held my hand and let me cry. About a week later he convinced me that I should talk to TWO and let him know what had happened. Like an idiot I did. At first he was nice, concerned, I even sensed regret. We got back together after that and dated for a few months. One night we were laying there, not really talking about anything and out came "Hey...will you marry me?" I don't know why, but for whatever reason I said yes. Fast forward a month to me coming home to get a school book from his room and finding him in bed with another girl.
What I got from TWO that I thank him for still is BUD. He and I became great friends and that friendship has lasted over 12 years. He helped me through one of the most tramatic experiences of my life and I don't think I would have made it through without him.
Lesson Learned: I found out that you or anyone else for that matter can't help who you love. It's possible I think to be in love with two different people who are completely opposite from each other, I guess you just have to live with who they love more. You could say he cheated on me, but I don't believe in labeling that act as cheating nor the person as a cheater. It's hard to throw stones when you've done the same thing. I don't blame him for wanting something else, obviously I wasn't giving him what he needed and he found it somewhere else. I think there is more to a person than labels. I also think that it's not always about you, sometimes men go somewhere else and there wasn't anything that you could do to avoid that, but sometimes there is.